Taylor Swift's Newest Song, Dear Jake

I haven't gotten around to writing Part 2 of my Taylor Swift post. But while doing my "research" I noted Ms. Swift was currently dating Jake Gyllenhaal. Since her m.o. is to sleep with some famous guy for a couple of months and then write an "emotional" song about it, I decided to beat her to the punch.

Dear Jake
By Taylor Swift (and Stuart Rosh)

Dear Jake, it’s been nice
But I have to say good-bye
Coz my career requires
I write, all these songs
About breaking up with famous guys
So I can't stay ‘round too long

I gotta put an album out next year
And you know what that means
I gotta throw out boyfriends like stale beer
And write how they all hurt me
And break my poor little precious heart
Like you have!

Dear Jake, yeah you’re cute
But so were all the others
And I’m giving you the boot
Besides, I’m worried
I saw you kiss another man
In that creepy cowboy movie

I gotta put an album out next year
And you know what that means
I gotta throw out boyfriends like stale beer
And write how they all hurt me
And break my poor little precious heart
Like you have!

Bridge
You’ll be a new teardrop on my guitar
As I write about how I've lost
My hunky movie star
(Breaks down and cries and sobs and then says: I’m getting vehrklempt here, that’s a word that my new best friend Barbra taught me.)

I gotta put an album out next year
And you know what that means
I gotta throw out boyfriends like stale beer
And write how they all hurt me
And break my poor little precious heart
Like you have!
Dear Jake! Dear Jake! Dear Jake!

For those who want to endure listening to this thing, you can find it here. I think the song begins, after a rambling monologue, at about the one minute mark.