Friday, August 17, 2007

College Ranking Service Annual Announcement 2007

US News announced its annual college rankings today. I note that the magazine fired its investigative reporting staff last May. Without investigative reporting, you can’t really provide news can you? They should change their name to US Rankings because that’s where they make their money. Without rankings, they would be bankrupt.

Since US News makes an annual announcement, I’ve decided as the public spokesman of the College Ranking Service (whose president and staff remain anonymous to ensure the integrity of the rankings) to make my own announcement.

For the seventh straight year, the College Ranking Service (CRS, rankyourcollege.com), has found that prestige in colleges and universities correlates with the size of endowment. The richest schools are the most prestigious.

For the seventh straight year, the CRS has found no difference between the prestige of Harvard, Yale, Princeton, MIT, Caltech, and Stanford. They are all incredibly prestigious and wealthy. In fact, they are so wealthy that the CRS wonders why anyone continues to donate money to them. They don’t need your money folks. They have billions upon billions of dollars. By continuing to solicit money from you, they are just being greedy.

For the seventh straight year, the CRS has found no difference between the prestige of Northwestern, Dartmouth, Brown, Duke, Penn and about a dozen or so universities that aren’t quite as wealthy as Harvard et al. While they don’t have endowments in the 10 plus billion range, they do have endowments in the 5 billion dollar range. They too are wealthy enough. They don’t need your money either.

For the seventh straight year, the CRS has found no correlation between the prestige of a university and the quality of its education.

For the seventh straight year, the CRS found that state universities continue to be squeezed by state governments. They will never be as prestigious as the universities above because they don’t have their wealth. But they are the engines that provide this country with its educated workforce. Without Harvard et al., this country would still do well. Without UCLA et al., this country would be in real trouble. The CRS suggests that you take the money that you would normally give to your prestigious and already wealthy alma mater (if you perhaps went to one of those schools) and give it to your state university instead.

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